Wednesday, July 7, 2010

God may close a door, but he always opens a window

I'm thinking tonight about our Lord and how He moves in and through our lives. We never really understand the ways of Providence, but if we are believers in Jesus Christ, we must trust that He, and only He, knows the master plan and how all the pieces of the puzzle fit together. It's so easy to get discouraged when things don't turn out the way we planned. It's so easy to turn our back and go a possibly wrong path because we feel that God didn't answer our prayers the way we wanted them to be answered.

The appt.for my doppler ultrasound on Friday was cancelled this afternoon by the radiologist. She called (yes I actually talked to a doctor on the phone) and we talked at length about CCSVI and the procedure I need to have done. She was very honest in saying they don't feel comfortable doing this type of ultrasound and can't follow the very specific protocol I provided them with. She called other radiologists around Sarasota and no one had ever heard of CCSVI, which doesn't surprise me at all. She suggested I go to the "clinical trial" within a university arena.

Great - exactly what I didn't want to hear. The MS community is always conducting clinical trials on everything they do.Just give them 10 years, and they'll get it all figured out, right?

I can't say I'm not disappointed because initially I was, but the more time I had to think and pray about it, I've had a different take. I know that when God closes one door, He always indeed opens a window. My job is just to pray, research, and connect with others that have been through this. Maybe the Lord is trying to tell me "Slow Down, Nicki." I'm trying to listen to what He's saying to me (while still jumping out of excitement with the prospect of all this angioplasty procedure could possibly mean for me in my life.)

I am so grateful for the internet, and all the information that is available, and pretty much updated momentarily. We can see and talk to these people through youtube and facebook. I'm getting alot of support through these venues and I am grateful.But I always turn back to the Lord and trying to understand what He is saying to me.

I talked and prayed with my dear friend Diane last night. She recently lost her husband of 50 years. Within 3 weeks of his diagnosis of cancer, he was gone. Her faith continues to amaze me. Here she is, with a house full of family, stopping to chat and pray with me. I have always looked to her because she is so tremendously strong in her love of the Lord. She prayed for me and I prayed for her. She asked the Lord to guide this process and to only lead me in the right path. But, is this the right path? More and more prayer and further investigation are definitely needed.

What a tremendous gift it is to go to the Lord in prayer. I don't know how this is all going to turn out. I don't know if and when I will be tested for CCSVI as it relates to my MS, but I know that God is in charge of all. I am waiting on Him to lead me through this process. Naturally, In my humanness I wanted to charge right in and take over, but it seems the breaks have been put on for me. Maybe this is God's way of telling me to take a step back, research further, and then move forward. This is definitely NOT the way I wanted things to go, but again, I am in the holding mode, waiting on my miracle. Not easy to do when you are in constant pain everyday, but it is what it is.

I am waiting on my PCP to return from vacation in Canada. My next appt.with him in on 7/23. He is supposed to be checking with his son, who is a professor at a University in Canada that is doing research on CCSVI. I will be interesting to hear what he has to say. Meantime, I will continue to investigate and find out everything I can about MS and CCSVI.

So, please blog friends, pray for me. Pray for the Lord to close the wrong doors and open the right windows. Pray for Him to take charge of this whole process for me, and help make it clear to me and Dr. Steele, which way is the right way to go. Pray for Him to open the hearts of everyone I touch along the way, so that I might show them my faith in His Good Purposes for my life. Because after all is said and done, it's not about me and my life, it's about Him and His Kingdom.

My verse and prayer for today is the Lord's prayer in Matthew 6:9-13

"Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed by thy name, your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, and the power and the glory forever. Amen.