Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Faith is being sure of what we hope for.....

Well, the New Year is upon us. I am thanking the Lord for each new day that he opens my eyes, but have to say that right now I am in "Waiting on the Lord" state once more. Here we go again, Patience is a virtue, right? I need to trust and obey, but boy, am I impatient and want to get on with it. BUT - Jesus keeps bringing to my mind a certain verse from Isaiah 40:31 

"But those who wait on the LORD 
      Shall renew their strength; 
      They shall mount up with wings like eagles, 
      They shall run and not be weary, 
      They shall walk and not faint."

Funny how He always does that. He always brings up a verse to me when I am in a quandary. I've been thinking about the beautiful eagles, how they soar through the air with absolutely no effort whatsoever. That's what I want to be. I want to glide across the floor with my legs with the greatest of ease, without them feeling like there are 10 lb. weights all around them. I want to float above the clouds like the eagles do and feel free from this MS that has ravaged my body for so many years. But I am waiting....I am waiting on the Lord to renew my strength once again and I Know that He will. 

I have had that "healing feeling" just once since my dx with MS in January 1998, and that was after my first CCSVI angioplasty procedure in August of 2010. It was a taste of heaven for me! For the first time in many years, I felt like and could function somewhat normally. It was mind-blowing, literally. 

Of course, the MS wasn't gone, but the tremendous fatigue and head pain that I suffered with so greatly with for so long was lifted! It was a miracle in so many ways and an answer to so many prayers on my behalf. I was praising the Lord.

So, what did I do with my new found health? I worked, of course, DUH? I guess a big part of me wanted to see if I could still do it, if I could still push myself to the limits like I did for so many years when my able body self worked the normal grind. 

So, I threw myself into and initiated the CCSVI Alliance Inaugural Walk-n-Roll up in Tampa last March, planning and coordinating the Walk efforts, plus the Educational Seminar that we put on to help others learn about this new treatment to help others suffering with MS. I was totally exhilarated to be at the forefront of a new discovery in science! I was excited about how good I felt and wanted others with MS to feel the same relief that I had experienced. Our big weekend was an unqualified success, but it did wear me out and by May of 2011, two short months after the fact, I was in for CCSVI #2 to open me back up and clear out the new found blockages. 

                                                                                                © Daniel Smith                          

Fast forward to the present. It's been very busy, and a bit of a rough 6-8 months for me. Admittedly, I've had a tremendous amount of stress leading up to my son's wedding in September. Even in the midst of that, I went over to see my very sick Mom and my Dad, (who no doubt was already in the process of mourning Mom, even before she passed.) I traveled back and forth a few times to see them, knowing that my Mom was beginning to fade.

If you have MS, you know that traveling alone is stressful and taxes your body, forget about the stress of grieving. Mom passed on Dec.1. It was so hard on our family, but I am so thankful that she is no longer suffering. She had been going downhill for a while, so her death certainly wasn't unexpected, but it's still hard to lose your Mom, no matter what or when. I miss you Mama.

I had done physical therapy once during those months and had the CCSVI procedure twice during those 8 busy months. During the May CCSVI procedure I was blocked up 50% and 60% but during the most recent one on Dec. 23, I was TOTALLY clear (which was a TOTAL answered prayer), but the question remains, why am I still feeling like a wrung out dishrag?

Granted, my last angioplasty was only 10 days ago, but I am SO ready to start feeling better! It's time, I'm ready Lord, bring it on whenever you are ready. The problem for me is I always have ants in my pants as the saying goes. Can't sit still, can't relax, even when I know that is what the Lord wants me to do, especially to help me re-cup from these past few months. Sit still Nick - that's what I need to do. Are you listening to yourself, Nicki?

This "Waiting on the Lord," is darn hard, and it takes some devotion, dedication, perseverance and mostly loads and loads of faith. I'm hanging on with both fists to my strong faith and I thank God that I have it. I surely would go crazy if I didn't. I know the Lord wants to lay His Healing Hands upon me, there is no doubt in my mind about that. But when He does it is up to Him. That's the thing about life and faith, isn't it? Hebrews 11:1 tells us "Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." 

I'm hanging on tight to my faith, with the absolute certainty that our Lord will Heal me again in His perfect time. Meanwhile, I'm praying and praising His Holy Name, every chance I get!

Another Happy New Year to all of you who read my blog. I appreciate your devotion and support. Stay strong in your love of the Lord in 2012. The days come and go, and the people in your life enter and then they are gone. Your faith in God Almighty and His son Jesus Christ is the ONLY thing you can really count on until the day you leave this earth and He calls you home.

My verses for today are above in red.

My prayer for today:

Dear Heavenly Father, Jehovah Rapha, Jesus my Healer:

It's another New Year Lord. Another New Year to shine for you. Help me Lord to wait on you for my healing. Help me to rest and rely on your promises that you will never leave me or forsake me. I know that you are Jehovah Rapha, my healer and it is by your Hand that I will be healed. The doctors do their best, but they are just practicing medicine. You are the Great Physician and You and you alone, will Heal me.
Give me strength Lord to be patient and wait on your Mighty Hand.

In Jesus Name I pray,