Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Taking a Leap of Faith!

In April of this year, I felt the Holy Spirit's presence upon me so strongly, I thought He's sitting on my lap! He was clearly prompting me to use my internet and computer talents, to get off my "arse," as they say, and start using my illness and strong faith to Glorify Him! I listened, prayed, and obeyed and He has not disappointed me, in any way.

I am amazed at the prayers that have been answered for me from my simple act of obedience to His will. It began when my Dad got sick in February. After his massive stroke, he was so, so, sick and close to death many times. But now, he has almost completely recovered mentally and is back to himself in so many ways. He still has some ground to cover with his walking, but I am believing that with God's help, he will eventually be back to his old self. That is an answered prayer to the highest degree and I praise the Lord for that and thank all of my friends who joined me in praying my Dad back to health!! I believe that the Lord still has work for him to do on this earth, and is not yet ready to call him home.

Everything is moving at lightning speed right now in my life as is relates to my health.God is absolutely blowing me away with the complete and total order of my days, especially in the last month. He is opening all the right doors, setting up the correct doctors, procedures and taking care of insurance coverage. He is providing me with a wonderful support system of friends and family to surround me and ground me during this nutty time!

In the excitement of the moment, I have not had to concern myself with anything. That is so much in character for the Lord, isn't it? He takes care of the details. He cares about everything in our lives. That is why I am confident that all the things that are happening with me right now have His Gracious Hand upon them and I am at total peace.What a comfort! 

I have patiently, and sometimes not so patiently, been waiting for my healing for over 12 1/2 long years now.
I have tried to keep a positive attitude throughout. But, I have to admit, it's getting old. I have been poked and prodded, been in the hospital and out, many times.  Gone to this doctor and that doctor. I've had tons of high dose steroids pumped into my body and had terrible withdrawals from those drugs. I've had 14 MRI's, brain surgery, a broken shoulder, physical therapy many times, and a total hysterectomy. I tried every drug available to try and relieve my symptoms with little success. I am still on some pretty high powered injectables to slow down my MS, but still it continues to slowly take over my body. I can no longer drive, have intense pain pretty much all the time, have cognitive challenges everyday and tremendous fatigue. This is tough for me, because I am definitely a type A personality. A get the job done kind of gal. A bit of a control freak admitedly. So help God, what do I do?

When you've got no where to turn, you can fall apart or you can look up! I choose to look up. I turn to my Creator. The biggest lesson I've from my experience of being chronically ill, is patience. I have learned to slow down. I've had to. Basically, I believe the Lord smacked me right down and said "take a look at your life, and pay attention to what's important." I have learned to wait on the Lord and his perfect timing, which has definitely NOT been my timing. I have learned to thank my Creator for each day He opens my eyes, and to look to Him in good times and bad.

The last few years, many times I've thought about how it would feel to be off of all these drugs. Is that what you want for me God? And then I find out about Dr. Zamboni and this new "liberation procedure" he is performing with great success! Can this be the answer for me? Can the cure for MS be coming totally out of left field? Well, why not, that sounds like a God-thing to me~~

I am going into my CCSVI angioplasty procedure on Aug. 16th with my eyes wide open. I am a realist, but I am also hopeful in what God can do through this wonderful and compassionate doctor I've entrusted myself to. I am totally confident in Moffitt Cancer Center and their capable staff. Any relief I can get from some of my enduring pain and symptoms would be my miracle, no doubt. It would be great to get rid of this MS once and for all, but I am trusting in God's plan in all this, knowing that His presence will sustain me and my doctors throughout. I am taking a leap of faith that this is my miracle and I am thanking the Lord for this opportunity.

I opened my Bible after I wrote this blog today, and it fell open to this verse, which was underlined in my Bible. It's perfect~~don't you think?

Psalm 27:14

"Wait on the Lord; be strong and take heart, and wait for the Lord."

My prayer for today:

Dearest God:

Thank you for giving me the patience I need each day to deal with this disease! I have been waiting Lord, for many years. Is this my time for healing? You tell us to come boldly to the throne of Grace with our prayers. So, I am coming; thanking you for these doctors that are doing the procedure and asking for healing. As always I am trusting in Your will for my life. I Praise your Holy Name.

In Jesus Name I pray,

Monday, August 2, 2010

God will make a way :)

The last few weeks I've been thinking a lot about God's plans for our lives. What a comfort it is to know that our Creator has a plan for each of us! Sometimes I think it's not always easy to see God's Hand upon us, but it is there, and I believe that with everything in my soul, do you?

I can honestly tell you that I haven't always understood the Lord's plans for my life. I have been very blessed in many ways with Godly parents, brothers, a wonderful husband and children, but I admit that I'll never fully comprehended why in the world I have had to physically suffer so much these past 12 years since I was diagnosed with MS. I do totally believe there is a reason, and only He knows why. Someday, when I meet Him face to face, we'll have a long talk and he can tell me the 'rest of the story' as Paul Harvey used to like to say.

Jeremiah 29:11-12 says

"For I know the plans I have for you,"declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

As I'm getting older and looking back on my life, it is easy to see that God was working even when I didn't realize it! I think it's true that with age, comes wisdom. It's probably the Lord's way of intentionally slowing us down, and giving us time to reflect on the events that have happened to us. We begin to look at things we have done or not done, and reflect on some of the choices we have made over the years, the good and the bad.

Many of my 'early light' devotionals of late, have been about God's plans, and not interfering with them. I feel often like the Lord has pulled up a chair right beside me and says "Now, Nicki, cool it, I am the one with the master plan, NOT you. Shut up and pray, already."

It's so easy to be judgmental of other people and what they are doing or not in their lives, but we don't know their path or God's plan for them. Each person is fearfully and wonderfully made by our Creator and each person has a unique plan. Some have more ups and downs than others. Our human nature is pretty critical most of the time (I know mine is) and often we will look at someone we know or love and think "What the heck are they doing, are they crazy? They should be doing this, or they should be doing that. If they would just do what I'm thinking about, then everything would be just fine." But is that how God wants us to react? I don't think so.

Instead of being critical, try praying for someone you know or love that may be suffering or going through tough times. Maybe there is a lesson that God is trying to teach them. We don't know the big picture,only He does. Don't interfere or second guess the God of the Universe and His plans! He's the only one that knows how all the pieces of master puzzle fit together. Stay out of His way, and watch the Lord work. Because in His time, (not ours) He will always make a way for those who love Him and seek Him with all their heart.

My verse for today is from Jeremiah 29:11-12 and is listed above in red.

My prayer today:

Dearest Heavenly Father:

What a comfort it is to know that you have a plan for each of us! Thank you Lord, for loving us enough to get involved in our lives. It's so hard Lord, to see people we know and love suffer through difficult times. Help us to look up to You, knowing that You know exactly what you are doing. Help us to pray and seek your will in our lives and for the lives of all we know and love. We praise you for what we know you are going to do in your perfect timing!

In Jesus Name I pray,