Sunday, July 11, 2010

How do you handle disappointment?

I've been thinking a lot today about disappointment in life and how we handle people or events that have we feel have let us down. I think that disappointment can come in many forms and from many directions. Surely there many great events and highs in life that make us intensely happy, and there will also be people or events that happen or don't happen that sorely disappoint us along the way.

I'm trying to contain myself about this new CCSVI in MS procedure that looks so promising. Many parts of me believe that this could indeed be my miracle. But I'm also a realist. I have been waiting on the Lord for many years, and basically, I think I've done a pretty good job of keeping myself in check and dealing with this progressive disease. Most of my days are good days, despite my declining health. There have been many treatments that have come along in the last 12 years since my diagnosis with MS, that have been very promising, and I have even felt the thrill of feeling better, only to have that taken away from me.
Could CCSVI be any different?

It's hard for someone who isn't sick everyday to understand the level of hope I feel about this "Liberation Procedure."That is what the docs are calling the angioplasty that is occuring after they determine you have blocked jugular veins (which about 90% of people with MS have, the tests so far have shown). Please Lord - give me blocked jugular veins :)

I've never been much of a complainer. I'm guess I'm a grin and bear it kind of gal. I mean, what's the point, right? It is what it is. I can live with it and get on with life, or I sit around and complain about how lousy I feel each day and make myself and everyone around me miserable. I don't think God wants me to live my life like that, and I will not! I will look UP at all the possibilities that He makes available for me each day.

When you have MS and have to live with the pain that I do everyday, there's often not much too much to get excited about. I have small windows of being able to function, maybe 3-4 hours at most, where I can do many of the simple things that most of you take for granted; cleaning house, doing laundry, working at the computer, going out to lunch or breakfast or church or even the movies.

Sounds like it's all in a days work for you, right? Not for me. I do something, then I have to lay down because of fatigue. I do something else, I have to lay down. After a doing a couple loads of laundry and folding them, that's it for me, for the day. Many days, I have to lay down by 9 am. OK, so what's your point Nick? Here's my point:

When I see MS people on youtube who have had this "Liberation Procedure," and are jumping and walking without a cane or walker, it's pretty darn exciting. And, yes, I have to admit that I am having a hard time containing my enthusiasm. But in my defense let me say this. I haven't had a lot health wise to be pumped up about these past 12 years. I'm very sensitive and have had a lot severe reactions and allergies to many of the MS drugs, but this could be something that is NOT a drug. Just that in itself, could be a huge plus in my life.

Is it a cure, probably not? Is it going to work for me? I pray that it does, but realistically, I know that it may not. I may get tested and find out that my jugular veins are wide open with no blockages, and there goes the hope of CCSVI helping me at all. This whole tidal wave of excitement I'm riding could come crashing down and that would be a HUGE disappointment for me. But does that mean I'm not going to have hope, and not going to be excited because this might not work out? NO! I always have hope, because, if you have no hope, what's the point? Hope is what gives us the promise of a brand new day each morning God opens our eyes up.

In my heart of hearts, I do believe that blocked jugular veins could indeed be what is wrong with me, and has been all these years. I am praying, and I am waiting on the Lord to open the right doors, and close the wrong doors, because I know He will do that. He is the one in charge of my life. Not me.

All the information and excitement is a bit overwhelming at times, and I readily admit that I am a bit out of control when I think of what having relief from some of these MS symptoms could mean for me. Could I possibly drive a car again? Maybe even work a few hours a day? Actually have a life again?

It's almost too much too think about, too much to dream about, but something that could happen if it is indeed part of God's plan for me. If not, then I will go on and deal with what is given me. I do believe that the Lord is right in the middle of everything that is happening in my life right now, right or wrong. My prayer is that no matter what happens to me, I will glorify Him in my words and actions.

So friends, please just continue to pray for me. Pray for God's Will be done in all this. Pray for me to continue to put all of this in His capable hands, as I try to do everything else, every day of my life. I believe in God's promises and I believe in God's hope. We all have challenges and disappointments, how we handle them can be a window to our soul. Let my soul always reflect the promises of God.

My verse for today is from Romans 12:12

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."

My prayer for today:
Lord Jesus:

I don't want to be disappointed again, Lord. Please, Lord Jesus, if it is of Your will, open the right doors for me. I want to feel better again Lord, please help me, please take this evil MS from my body.

In Jesus Name I pray,

1 comment:

  1. Great Blog.
    I've recently realized that those disappointments we have in life are because God has something better in store for us.

    God bless.



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