Tuesday, May 31, 2011

CCSVI #2 - Just waiting on the Lord so I can sing...

So, here I am 11 days after my 2nd CCSVI angioplasty procedure on 5/20/2011, and I gotta say at this time, I’m in a “Still waiting on the Lord” mode.

Am I jumping up and down, NO, unfortunately, I am not.  Do I feel exhausted and a bit worn out? Yes, at this point I would say I am, but I am also hopeful for the changes I know will come in the weeks and months to come.

My immediate reaction in the recovery room was pretty great! I got up after laying flat for the mandatory two hours happily strolling over to use the restroom. When I returned, my hubby Steve said he thought he was watching a track meet, because I was moving so fast. Hooray! It worked one more time! Yippee! My prayers had been answered, again. Thank you Jesus! All said, all done…now onto the next chapter of life, right?

My headache was gone, and that was one of the main reasons I wanted to have this 2nd one done…my crushing headaches were returning and I knew I was beginning to restenos. I was also beginning to have more trouble walking and my legs felt like they had 50 lb. weights attached around the ankles again. If you have MS, you know exactly what I mean.

My surgery went like clockwork up there at the Moffitt Radiology Clinic. I had contacted Dr. Arslan a few weeks ago., was squeezed in because of a cancellation, so we moved pretty quickly getting this second one done. I know and totally trust Dr. A. I’m well acquainted with all the techs and nurses very well since I’ve worked with and met them through the CCSVI educational symposium and walk-n-roll we had in March. They are all my buds, and I have total confidence in their team. My 2nd CCSVI surgery was an unqualified success and in the Nicki Watts medical history books.

I was very quiet for the first 6 days post surgery, knowing that I was leaving for the beautiful, cool NC mountains with my hubby so we could celebrate our 33rd Wedding Anniversary! Yippee!

                                              View of  Mt. Pisgah from our deck in Waynesville, NC.

We’ve been here since Thursday night after a long 12 hr. drive. I was totally wiped out on Friday and could hardly get out of bed. It’s Monday now, but I’m still not feeling too spry, however, I am determined NOT to get discouraged. My headaches are coming and going, and my walking is wobbly, but I am not focusing on all the negative.

I am, instead, thanking the Lord for a successful and uncomplicated surgery. I am rejoicing in Him, through good times and bad. I felt a little better, and now I feel worse, but I know that my healing will come. Of course, in the back of my mind is that little nagging human self that says “What if it doesn’t work this time? What if this is “As good as it Gets?” like that Jack Nicolsen movie a few years ago.

This afternoon I began reading from my wonderful devotional, Streams in the Desert, by L.B. Cowman, given to me years ago by a dearly departed friend, Sybil, from church. What a treasure this book is for me, and has been for many years. I love the wisdom of this spiritual writer.
In one writing, written in 1925, author Mrs. Charles Cowman explains the tests and sorrows of life like this:

“Certain songs can only be written in the valley. No music school can teach them, for no theory can cause them to be perfectly sung. Their music in found in the heart. They are songs remembered through personal experiences, revealing their burdens through the shadows of the past, and soaring on the wings of yesterday…

Therefore, dear soul, in this life you are receiving a music lesson from your Heavenly Father. You are being trained to sing in a choir you cannot see, and there will be parts of the chorus that only you can sing… Your father is training you for a part the angels cannot sing, and His conservatory is the music of sorrows. Others have said that He sends sorrows to test you, yet this is not the case. He sends sorrows to educate you, thus training you for His Heavenly choir.

In the darkest night, He is composing your song. In the valley, He is tuning your voice. In the storm clouds, He is deepening your range. In the rain showers, He is sweetening your melody. In the cold, He is giving your notes expression. And, as you pass at times from hope to fear, He is perfecting the message of your lyrics. Oh dear soul, do not despise your schools of sorrow. It is bestowing on you a unique part in the Heavenly Song.

I'm waiting to join the heavenly choir and
the Lord is tuning me up along the way...

So,” woman of faith” as my hubby likes to call me, shut up and wait on the Lord, --that what’s in my thought process right now. The Lord is tuning me up each day, for his Heavenly choir. I’ve never been much of a singer during my time here on this earth—it’s definitely not one of my gifts-- but I’m going to have a beautiful voice in Heaven. I just know it.

Stay tuned friends, for God to be glorified through his healing of my body, when he says it’s His perfect time. When will it be? I do not know, but it will happen, I am certain of that!

My verse for today is one of my favorites from Isaiah 40:28-3. You may have seen it before, because I love it so much, and it gives me so much comfort—so here is comes again~~

“ Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary and young men stumble and fall, but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. “

My prayer for today:

Dear Lord Jesus:

I am putting all of my hope and trust in you. You are God Almighty, my Creator and my salvation. I will be patient, as hard as that is, because I know that you will reward me in your good time. Thank you Lord, that I can come to you with every worry, and every care. You know what is in my heart. I lay it down at the foot of the cross.

In Jesus name I pray,

                                                When we wait on the Lord, we mount up with wings as eagles!
                                                         copyright Daniel Smith

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