Monday, April 19, 2010

It's Monday, what can I say?

I really didn't want to blog because I feel pretty lousy today, MS wise. My head is pounding, my neuropathy is at a high level in my entire body, my legs feel like lead, and I can definitely tell that the summer heat season has begun in FL and it's not even May - Yikes! HELP LORD - SOS

I'm sure most of you will say, but you have air-conditioning Nick, you shouldn't be bothered by the heat. Yes, we have a very good one and keep it on a low setting, but unfortunately, I have a very heat sensitive case of MS. Most of us MS'ers are somewhat affected, then there are people like me, whose body goes into shutdown. Just the door being opened the closed a few times will do the trick. I will soon be spending mass amounts of time in my pool, which brings me some relief, kind of :( But believe me, I am thankful that I have a pool to go into.

MS is a very strange disease and very hard to pin down and figure out. I do get some relief when I am in cooler temperatures and when the humidity is low, hence our mountain home in NC, but I can't spend months and months away from my husband, and unfortunately, with the current economy, we are not in a position to retire (who is?), so here in lies my dilemna.

Last year I was away from home for almost 4 months with him coming up to see me or me going home, back and forth, but it's just too much. I can't stay by myself anymore because of my health, so I had to arrange for people to come up and be with me in NC. It was great to see everyone and they all seemed to enjoy some time in the cool Carolina Mountains and I had a lot of fun, but I just missed him too much and visa versa. We've been together for 31 years, can't live too long without that man if I don't have too.

So - here's the prob - I stay here and suffer and be with my loving husband and best friend, or I go away and feel half way decent with my symptoms under control somewhat and spend the whole time missing him. I know that the Lord would want me to be with my husband, that is very clear in my mind, but God, why can't you give me a cure for this stinking disease so I can live my life like normal people do? I miss going out, driving, shopping, working, going to events, having friends over, being able to host family events, cooking (still not very good at it) baking, going for a leisurely walk with the hubs. (I now go in my scooter and he walks and I am thankful for the scooter, given to me by a friend at church) But I want to WALK~~

I'm sure it all seems so simple to those of you without MS, but believe me, it isn't for any of us with this disease. OK - I'm done bitchin' for today. I really don't have many days when I am like this (promise), but some days you just have to let it out, know what I mean? And then, I remember Jesus and his suffering, and He did it of his own volition - boy do I feel selfish. He took it on for us, for you and me. That still just blows me away.

There is some exciting new research in the MS field that is very controversial and exciting, and could blow the lid off of every MS concept to date. I have posted a few things on my FaceBook page and on my Team Spirit Walker page and I will blog more about that as the research progresses. It is definitely something to be pumped about!

Meantime, my friend Martha sent me a verse after reading my blog yesterday which helped me remember why I am here and remember what God did for me:

"For God so loved the world, that he sent his only begotten son, that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life" John 3:16

As I ponder this verse, I was moved to look up another that I lean on a lot and I am making this my verse for today. 1 Peter 4:12

"Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the suffering of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his Glory is revealed."

My prayer for today:

Lord, give me strength. I am hurting today. I am in pain, but I know it is nothing compared to what you suffered for me. You want me to rejoice, but I am having a hard time doing that. Help me to put my pain in perspective, give me Your peace and assurance. I know that You ARE going to cure me of this disease, in Your time, meanwhile I will stay the course, believing in you and your miracles. Thank you Lord for this day and everyday you give.

I Jesus Name I pray,

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